


Teagan's Chance

by CherieoftheDragons (SignCherie), SignCherie



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-17
Updated: 2015-06-27
Packaged: 2018-03-13 09:49:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 19,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3377093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SignCherie/pseuds/CherieoftheDragons, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SignCherie/pseuds/SignCherie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the Blight is over, Teagan finally gets his chance with the Warden.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Teagan's Chance

**Author's Note:**

  * For [chenria](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chenria/gifts).



> This is one of the first fanfics I ever wrote, now edited and reworked. It is a gift for chenria, who so graciously loaned me her Warden, Meriana Cousland.
> 
> Thanks always go to my wonderful beta, aphreal.

The Hero of Ferelden was the most beautiful woman at the coronation ball, and Teagan was certain he was not the only man to think so.

Anora made a good show, of course, and while Teagan didn’t know much about female fashion, he was sure Anora’s gown was the height of style. She was a pretty girl, and no doubt many men were eyeing their new king with jealousy as he danced with his bride.

But Teagan couldn’t take his eyes off Meriana Cousland.

He watched her from across the ballroom as she sipped champagne, chatting animatedly with the Antivan elf she traveled with. She’d traded her armor for a gown of golden silk, which clung to her body and showed off her curves. Her hair was elegantly styled, soft and gleaming in the candlelight, and her eyes sparkled. But Teagan thought it was her happiness that was most striking, bringing a rosy glow to her cheeks.

He hadn’t known that someone who could fight so hard could look so soft.

“Champagne, ser?”

Teagan started at the voice. A servant was standing before him with a tray of drinks.

“Yes...yes,” said Teagan, taking one absently and turning his gaze back to the lovely Warden.

She was laughing now, her head thrown back, and the elf was grinning mischievously at her. Teagan felt a surge of jealousy. What sort of relationship did she have with him?  Not for the first time, he berated himself for not making his intentions clearer from the start.

It had been so surreal. The undead horrors emerging from Castle Redcliffe, the slaughter of the villagers, night after night...and in the darkest hour of his life, she had walked in out of nowhere like a heroic spirit. He’d been certain their situation was hopeless, but she’d done the impossible. She led that ragtag militia to victory and saved all their lives. When he saw her afterwards, the sweat of battle on her brow and a grin of victory on her lips, he was certain she must be his own personal savior.

It was an idea that was hard to shake, as she continued to help him again and again, rescuing not only himself but both Connor and Isolde as well. As if that weren’t enough, she then embarked on a mad, impossible quest to cure Eamon. And succeeded, no less. Again and again, he looked at her in amazement and thought, I can’t let this woman get away.

And yet, it seemed inappropriate to make romantic overtures while everything was falling apart around them. He kept telling himself, when this is over, when this is over...

But the longer he waited, the more untouchable she seemed. She was not, after all, his own personal savior. She was so much more. The Hero of Ferelden. Even that title was too limiting. In ending the Blight, she had saved all of Thedas.

She was young and strong and beautiful. And completely out of his league.

Across the hall, Meri excused herself from the elf’s company and hurried across the dance floor. A song had just ended, and Alistair and Anora were returning to their seats. The Warden caught Alistair by the arm and said something Teagan couldn’t hear. Alistair looked surprised, but he let her lead him back out to the dance floor. A slight tightening of Anora’s mouth was the only sign that she might not approve of this new development.

Teagan felt another twinge of jealousy.

“The lad’s doing quite well, isn’t he?”

Teagan turned to see his brother Eamon taking a seat next to him. Quickly, he reordered his thoughts.

“He is. He’ll be a fine king, brother.”

“I had expected he would need some time to adjust to his position. But he seems quite at ease.”

Teagan looked back to where Alistair was dancing with the Warden. He appeared to be making some kind of wisecrack, and she was trying to cover up her laughter. “With Meriana, at least,” Teagan said.

Eamon followed his gaze. “Ah, the Hero of Fereldan.” Eamon smiled. “Have you congratulated her yet?”

“I haven’t had the opportunity. She’s quite popular.”

“Well, she would be, wouldn’t she? Alistair’s very lucky to have such a friend.”

“Indeed.” Teagan hesitated. “Are they just friends, then? Sometimes it seems they might be...more.”

“I had wondered that myself at first. But I had the opportunity to speak of it to our Warden once. She looked a bit sad, and told me she couldn’t think of beginning any romantic entanglements until the threat of the Blight was resolved.” He chuckled. “Well, I’m certain she’ll have her pick of the gentlemen now.” He cocked his head as if something had just occurred to him. “How funny to think she was almost betrothed to you, brother.”

Funny was hardly the word for it, and Teagan had to bite his tongue to keep from saying so. It made him crazy to think how close he had once been to marrying this amazing woman, and he hadn’t even realized. He’d never so much as seen a picture of her. If he’d met her then, if he’d known --

There was no point in dwelling on might-have-beens now. His chance was gone. Eamon was right; she could have any man she wanted. Teagan had seen quite a few men approach her already -- younger and more handsome than him, of course -- but Meri had smiled and politely brushed off every one. She seemed to be telling Alistair some story now, quite animatedly. Alistair was watching her with amusement.

A moment went by.

“I haven’t done right by him, have I?” Eamon asked softly. “Maric would be so disappointed.”

Teagan looked at his brother in surprise. He had hardly expected him to express this sentiment.

Eamon already knew how Teagan felt. The biggest fight they’d ever had was over Isolde’s treatment of Alistair. Eamon allowed Isolde to ostracize young Alistair simply for being a rambunctious ten-year-old boy. Teagan had himself been a rambunctious young boy once, and when he heard Alistair was to be sent to the Chantry, he exploded in anger. It was the biggest shouting match he and his brother had ever had. Neither Teagan or Eamon ever told anyone about it, not even Isolde or Alistair, and they’d never spoken of it again.

Which was why Teagan was shocked to hear Eamon bring it up now.

No, Eamon had not done right by Alistair, but the past was the past and could not be changed. “Do right by him now.”

Eamon looked at Teagan. His eyes softened. “Yes. I shall do my best.”

The dance was ending. All around couples were bowing and curtseying politely. The Warden pounced on Alistair, throwing her arms around him in a giant hug. Alistair closed his eyes.

There may be nothing between the two on the Meri’s end, but Teagan was not so sure about Alistair.

“If you’ll excuse me, Teagan,” said Eamon, “there’s no time like the present.”

Eamon met Alistair as he was leaving the dance floor. They exchanged a few words, and Alistair nodded to Meri before walking off with Eamon.

Maker’s blood, this was pathetic. Teagan had been watching Meriana from across the room for far too long. Right, he was just going to get up and go over there.

Then the Warden’s searching eyes met his, and his nerve faltered.

He was surprised to see her face light up. She began making her way across the room towards Teagan. Why his palms began to sweat, he didn’t know. Teagan did not get nervous around women. He was charming. He was well-mannered. He was courteous. And his palms did not sweat.

It was just this woman...

“Bann Teagan!” the Warden exclaimed as she got close. “No, Arl Teagan, forgive me. I feared I would go the whole night without seeing you.”

To Teagan’s shock, she threw her arms around him.

Hesitantly, Teagan rested his hands on the small of her back. Maker, she smelled good. Like lilacs. Yes, that was the scent. Again, he was struck by just how soft she was.

She pulled back, and Teagan smiled at her in what he hoped was a polite manner. “My lady, you look stunning this evening.” The understatement of the century.

She laughed. “It’s nice of you to say so. I feel so strange dressed in this. It’s so light.” She shrugged. “I’ve been wearing armor for too long, I suppose.”

“I understand how you feel. It will be a nice change, for all of us, to be able to relax. I must say, you look sensational out of your armor.” Too late, he realized the double entendre of his words. “That is, I mean...”

Meriana laughed, her cheeks turning just a touch pink. “You’re such a charmer. I don’t know how the ladies resist you. They must fall at your feet.”

Was that how she saw him? As a smooth-talking ladies’ man? “I would hardly say that.”

Meri raised her eyebrows.

“But you, my lady.” He attempted to change the subject. “I daresay you’ve made quite a splash with the gentlemen tonight. Every time I looked for you, you seemed to have a new admirer.” _Bastards, all of them_.

She looked surprised. “You were looking for me?”

“Well.” Teagan was thankful he didn’t flush easily, or he certainly would now. “What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t offer my congratulations?”

“Well, I wish you would have interrupted. I’m sure those men were just interested in me for the novelty of it. A chance to brag that they seduced the Hero of Ferelden.”

Teagan looked at her. The candlelight in the ballroom played upon her smooth skin. Her gown flirted with the curves of her body. Her lips parted in the smallest smile. “I’m patently certain that’s not the case,” he said quietly.

Their eyes met, and something electric passed between them.

Teagan’s mouth went dry. He cleared his throat, trying desperately to bring the conversation back to something appropriate. “My lady. The entire kingdom owes you its gratitude. Were it not for you, I can’t imagine what horror would have befallen us. You are our savior.”

“Please don’t.” She took his hand. Her touch made his heart pound. “We fought darkspawn together, Teagan. We are comrades in arms. There is no need for this.”

“Nonetheless.” Teagan dared to clasp her hand in both his own. “I owe you more than most. What you’ve done for me...for my family...”

She was shaking her head, but Teagan continued. “I owe you an enormous debt. I doubt very much that I can ever repay you, but if there’s anything you ever want, or need...” He paused. “My lady, you have only to ask.”

Meri looked away, but did not pull back her hand. For a moment, they stood that way, his hands encircling hers, not speaking. Teagan’s heart was racing in his chest.

_Say something_ , he thought.

Then the beautiful, fiercesome Grey Warden looked back with decision in her eyes.

“Do you mean that?”

His heart pounded.

“Of course. Anything at all, my lady.”

“Then let’s get out of here. I’m worn out from politics. If I have to face one more well-meaning noble congratulating me or asking absurd questions, I’ll go mad.”

She wanted to leave with him? His voice, when he spoke, was huskier than he meant it to be. “Where shall we go, my lady?”

She grinned impishly. “Don’t think me terribly inappropriate, but would you meet me in the kitchens?”

“In...the kitchens?”

“In about a half hour. I’ve got a taste for something sweet. But first, I need to get out of this gown.”

And _that_ mental image did nothing for his self-control.

  



	2. Love Lost

Alistair shouldn’t have left the coronation ball. Eamon would have his skin when he caught up with him, and Anora’s face when he left...well, he wasn’t looking forward to facing that music. But, Maker take it, he was the king. If he wanted to step out of his own coronation ball for a few minutes, he should think it was his right.

Anyway, Meri had left first, and she was just as much a guest of honor as he was. Okay, technically it was a coronation ball, but everyone knew they were really celebrating the end of the Blight. As the woman who slew the archdemon, Meri had just as much responsibility to be there as he did.

That’s what he would tell Eamon. _I just left to bring our Hero back. I thought people would get...persnickity. No, not persnickity. Irked?_

That story would never work on Anora, though. He didn’t think there was anything that could get him off the hook with her. Maybe he could just hide from her until she forgot about it.

Of course, it wasn’t true anyway. He’d left for sheer curiosity’s sake. He wanted to know what his friend was up to.

So now Alistair was waiting just around the corner from Meri’s quarters. She’d looked like a woman on a mission when she left the ballroom, and Alistair was betting it didn’t involve holing up in her room for the remainder of the night.

His patience paid off. After a few minutes, the click of her door opening let him know she had emerged. He peered around the corner to see her hurrying down the corridor.

Alistair followed.

Luckily for him, night had fallen, and there were very few torches lighting these corridors. Alistair had pestered Leliana until she’d taught him her “walk silently” trick. He wasn’t very good at it, but it was better than his usual gallumphing, and he tried it now. She didn’t notice him, and Alistair was mildly surprised. Nothing got past Meri. Even with the dim lighting and his quiet steps, he fully expected her to turn around and call him out for spying.

She didn’t, and that could only mean one thing. Whatever she was up to, her mind was completely occupied by it.

_Aha, my friend!_ he joked to himself. _You cannot hide your secrets from me! I shall unearth your dastardly deeds!_

As they wound through the palace corridors, Alistair trailing behind the oblivious Warden, it dawned on him where they were heading, and he began to smirk.

Really? With a huge feast going on in the ballroom, you’re sneaking off to the kitchens?

This was too funny an opportunity to pass up.

Just as he was preparing to ambush her -- and mock her mercilessly, of course -- he saw something that wiped the smirk from his face.

Teagan was waiting outside the kitchen doors.

Alistair blinked. Why in Andraste’s name would Meri be meeting Teagan outside the palace kitchens?

Teagan saw her, and his face lit up. Alistair couldn’t see Meri’s face, but Teagan took her hand and kissed it.

It was like being hit in the face with a bucket of water.

Alistair understood.

He pressed himself against the wall so he wouldn’t be seen. He could hear the murmur of their voices, but he wasn’t close enough to make out words. Then the creaking of the kitchen door told him they were gone.

He sank to the floor.

_Well, of course she’s going to find someone, idiot. She’s beautiful and strong and brilliant. And too good to be alone._

And Alistair had never told her how he felt.

It was too late for regrets now. He was king of Ferelden, married to Anora. Even if he were single, he couldn’t marry her. They were both Grey Wardens. Tainted. He had a duty to provide an heir.

He had thought it all through before.

But... Teagan? He was so old, so stuffy. Meri was young and unconventional and bold. He was completely wrong for her. Alistair tried to imagine them together -- Teagan holding her hand, Teagan kissing her -- but the images wouldn’t come.

Then they did, and he wished to Andraste they hadn’t.

“Maker,” Alistair groaned.

The problem was, he couldn’t keep up the pretense that Teagan wouldn’t be good for her. Teagan was a good man. He’d always looked out for Alistair back at Redcliffe. He had a strong sense of justice and honor. Just like Meri.

Teagan would treat her well. He had a reputation as a ladies’ man, but Alistair knew it stemmed from his previous relationships simply not working out. Teagan was too honorable to lead a woman on.

It was a good situation for everyone. Except, of course, for Alistair.

Maker, but his heart ached.

He wished he could be angry at Meri. He wished he could yell at her until she felt as bad as he did. He wished he could lock her up in chains and keep her away from all men until she was a wrinkled old lady.

He couldn’t, because he loved her, and loving her meant that her happiness was more important than anything. He couldn’t blame her for trying to find it. Especially when he couldn’t give her another choice.

He might hate himself forever for that. But he couldn’t blame her.

A loud clatter made Alistair jump.

A servant was standing in front of him. She had dropped her tray, and her hands were clapped over her mouth.

“You...Your Majesty...” she stammered.

“No, no, no!” Alistair scrambled to his feet. “Shh, shh! It’s okay!” He began to pick up her tray.

Too late. She was falling into a deep curtsey.

“No, don’t do that.” Cursing, he pulled the startled servant up by the arm and thrust the tray into her hands, then glanced down the hallway. The coast was clear, thank the Maker. “Listen--what’s your name?”

She looked up at him with round eyes. “Rialla, Your Majesty.”

“Right. Rialla. I was never here, okay? I mean, you never saw me.”

The frightened girl began to curtsey again. “Yes, Your Majesty. Of course.”

“That’s fine. That’s fine. Just -- go on back to whatever you were doing.”

Rialla gave one last bob of a curtsey before scurrying off toward the kitchen doors.

Alistair sighed. He’d better get out of here before anyone else came along. Hopefully Rialla was a woman of her word. He didn’t want Meri to know that he was out here.

As he headed back toward the ballroom, Alistair grumbled to himself, “Teagan had better be good to her. Or I’ll demote him to palace shoe-polisher. And then I’ll send him Oghren’s shoes.”

That idea cheered him up considerably.

  



	3. Intoxicated

Teagan should have kissed her when he had the chance.

While the rest of the nobility celebrated in the ballroom, he spent the most wonderful night of his life in the palace kitchens with Meriana Cousland, eating cake and strawberries and getting slowly drunk on dandelion wine. Teagan and Meri must have talked about everything under the sun -- their childhoods, the Blight, the people they’d loved, their dreams and desires. They stayed up all night, talking and laughing, until the sun rising over the horizon told them they had better get to bed.

Teagan walked her to her chambers, wondering how it was possible that she looked more beautiful than ever. Her hair was tousled, her face flushed from wine. She glanced at him, and then away. Her smile lit up the corridor.

They arrived at her chambers, and she turned to Teagan, suddenly shy. “Teagan -- thank you for tonight. It was perfect.”

Teagan couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away from her face. He felt a little dizzy, and he wasn’t sure if it was because of the wine or simply her. “Perfect. Yes, that’s exactly the word. It was perfect.”

He reached out and brushed a stray lock of hair out of her eyes. She went very still. Teagan became aware of how close they were. If he leaned in, just a little...if he took her in his arms...

Meri’s breath quickened. She turned her face upward, her eyes fluttering closed.

Teagan hesitated.

He wanted to kiss her more than anything. He could feel her nearness with every fibre of his being. But...well, she had had a lot to drink. He was fairly certain she was fond of him -- she wouldn’t have left the ball with him otherwise -- but how much of her desire now was due to, well, him, and how much was influenced by wine?

Teagan had been waiting for this moment for so long. Since he’d first seen her in the Redcliffe Chantry. And now that it was here...

He didn’t want their first kiss to be clouded by alcohol. He wanted to know, when he finally did kiss her, that she was completely in control of herself. That she wanted it as much as he did.

He moved his hand from her hair, tracing a line down the side of her face, and brushed his thumb against her lips. They parted slightly.

It took him a few attempts, but he managed to get the words out. “Sleep well, my lady.” His voice was rough.

She opened her eyes.

“Sleep well, Teagan,” she whispered.

He used all his willpower to walk away.

 

Despite having been awake all the night, when he climbed into bed, he hadn’t been able to fall asleep. Thoughts of Meri kept him awake: the lilt of her voice, the way she’d laughed, a certain look she got in her eyes when she was teasing. He didn’t know how he would get through the moments until he could see her again.

Seeing her again, however, was not what he expected.

He was invited to dinner with the new king and queen that evening. He looked forward to it with great anticipation because Meri, as the king’s most trusted advisor, would be there as well.

It was a small affair, just Alistair and Anora, Eamon and Isolde, Meriana, and himself. Teagan entered to find everyone had arrived but the king and queen.

When his eyes fell on Meri, his heart leapt. He bowed his head to her, unable to hold back a smile. “It’s an honor to see you again, my lady.”

Meri turned and met his eyes coolly. “Arl Teagan,” she said politely.

It was as if she’d slapped him.

He did not get a chance to ask the reason for her coldness. Queen Anora entered the room at that moment, and everyone stopped to pay their respects.

Throughout the dinner, Teagan tried to draw Meri out, but she remained aloof, speaking little to anyone and answering only when asked a direct question.

Finally, it was Alistair who threw down his fork in exasperation.

“Maker’s Breath, woman. What in Andraste’s name is wrong?”

Her face showed no change. “I apologize if I’ve been unpleasant company, Al -- Your Majesty. It’s just a small headache.”

Alistair looked annoyed, but Anora interrupted him. “I’m sorry to hear that, Warden,” she said sympathetically. “Perhaps you would like to be excused? We will not be offended.”

Alistair grimaced. “We most certainly--”

“Thank you, Your Majesty,” Meri interrupted, rising from the table. “I think I just need to lie down for a bit.”

To Teagan’s dismay, she bowed and slipped from the room.

Alistair scowled at Teagan. “This is your fault,” he accused.

“Me?”

“Yes, you! What did you do to her, anyway?”

Teagan was flabbergasted. “I’ve done nothing, I swear!”

“That’s quite a supposition, Your Majesty.” Eamon furrowed his brow. “What in Maker’s name does Teagan have to do with Meriana?”

Anora folded her hands in her lap. “She said she had a headache, and that’s it. I see no reason to disrespect our Hero by mistrusting her words. Now, shall we carry on with dinner?”

Alistair looked as if he’d very much like to argue, but he shut his mouth.

As soon the meal was concluded, Teagan went straight to Meri’s quarters. He was outside her door, hand poised to knock, when he stopped.

She had told Anora she wasn’t feeling well. If that were true, Teagan was about to wake her up out of a well-needed rest. And even if she wasn’t, this was hardly appropriate behavior. A gentleman didn’t visit a lady’s quarters at night unescorted. Well, all right, he had visited his share of ladies’ quarters, but this was different.

Meri was special.

He sighed and dropped his hand. He would see her tomorrow. That would be soon enough for his questions.

 

Things didn’t work out as planned.

By the end of the second day, it was clear that Meriana was avoiding him. She kept herself busy from morning to night. He was sure she had important matters to attend to, but their paths should have crossed at least once or twice. Teagan was staying on in the palace to assist King Alistair with certain affairs of state, and yet he never saw Meri once.

That evening, when the day’s business was concluded, Teagan did knock on Meri’s door, propriety be damned, but there was no answer.

The third day, Teagan slipped away near lunchtime and sneaked down to the palace kitchens on a hunch that Meri might be there.

His hunch was correct. She sat at the same wooden table they’d shared the other night, looking as breathtaking as always. She had a sandwich in her hand and appeared to be in the middle of a conversation with one of the palace cooks, an older elf woman he’d met the night before.

“...don’t care what anyone said,” the cook was saying. “I saw the way that gentleman looked at you, and I know--”

She spotted Teagan and stopped talking abruptly.

Meri turned. Her eyes fell on him, and she paled.

“Teagan,” Meri said.

She looked back to the cook. The elf gave Meri a significant look, gathered up a large mixing bowl, curtseyed once to Teagan, and moved off to another part of the kitchen.

Teagan took a step forward. “I’m glad I found you. I had hoped we could--”

“I’m terribly sorry, Arl Teagan,” Meri interrupted. “I’m afraid I’m late for a very important meeting. With the King’s treasurer, you know. Perhaps we can speak another time.”

Without meeting his eyes, Meri hurried past him out of the kitchens.

Teagan’s heart fell into his shoes.

She really couldn’t have been any clearer. Teagan had wondered if she was truly interested in him, or if it had only been the wine affecting her judgment. Now he knew.

 

“What do you mean, you’re going back to Redcliffe?”

The young king glowered at Teagan from behind his very large desk.

Teagan, for his part, was baffled. “Your Majesty, you and your advisors have matters well in hand. Redcliffe is still recovering, and there is only so much I can do via courier. It is time I returned home.”

“What about Meri?”

“Meri, Your Majesty?”

Alistair waved a hand impatiently. “Okay. Can you do something for me? Let’s drop the ‘Your Majesty’ bit. It’s ridiculous. You and Eamon are the closest thing I have to family.”

Teagan hadn’t known Alistair felt that way. “You do me great honor, Alistair,” he said quietly. “I have always considered you family as well.”

Alistair’s anger softened a bit. “Don’t try to distract me. You can’t leave now. You have to make things right with Meriana.”

How in Andraste’s name did he know about that? “Did Meri say something to you?”

Alistair scowled. “No, but she’s been moping around here for days. And rearranging her schedule so she never sees you. I’m not a complete fool, you know.”

So she was avoiding him. He tried to hide his disappointment. “No, of course not.”

“So go make it right.”

Teagan sighed. He sat down in a chair opposite Alistair’s desk.

“I don’t know how.”

Alistair paused. Maybe he could hear the hopelessness in Teagan’s voice.

“She won’t even see me. When she does see me, she refuses to speak to me. She’s made it abundantly clear that she wants nothing to do with me. And I think...” It broke Teagan’s heart to say the next words. “I think I should respect her wishes.”

Alistair regarded Teagan for a moment.

Then he shook his head. “No.”

Teagan blinked. “What?”

“No. I won’t allow it.”

“But-- what --”

Alistair leaned forward. “Listen to me. Meriana Cousland is the most beautiful, amazing, strong, kind, and -- well, heroic person I’ve ever met. If you’ve got any sense, any sense at all, then as long as there’s still a chance she might return your feelings, you won’t give up. You’ll keep fighting.”

Teagan looked at the man he considered his nephew. He remembered the way Alistair had closed his eyes when Meri hugged him at the ball.

Alistair was in love with Meri.

“You should tell her,” he said softly.

Alistair shook his head and looked away. “It doesn’t matter. I’ve got nothing to offer her.”

Teagan wanted to argue that as king, Alistair had everything to offer, but he understood too well. Alistair was married. That it was a political arrangement meant nothing. Alistair would want to make Meri his wife, and the most he could offer her was mistress.

For a moment, they sat there in silence, two men in love with the same woman.

“She’s crazy about you,” Alistair said finally. “I can tell. I’m her best friend, after all. And she deserves to be happy.”

Teagan could tell it cost Alistair a lot to say this.

“So. If you go back to Redcliffe now, I’m going to exile you to the Avvars.”

Teagan’s mouth twitched. “Do you spend much time coming up with unpleasant punishments?”

“Yes,” Alistair said without hesitation. “One of the few perks of this Maker-forsaken job.”

Teagan smiled. “Very well,” he said, rising. “I won’t give up. Not as long as there’s a chance.”

“Good.” Alistair pulled some papers toward him in what was obviously an attempt to look officious. “Right. You go take care of that, then.”

Teagan wanted to say something more. Something about how important Alistair really was to him. Something that showed he understood the sacrifice he had made. But there didn’t seem to be any words.

He turned and left the king’s study.

 

Teagan went straight to Meri’s quarters. This time he was going to bang on the door until she came out. Failing that, he would sit in the corridor and wait for her. One way or another, Meri was going to talk to him.

None of that proved to be necessary. Just as Teagan approached her quarters, Meri opened the door, on her way out.

Both of them froze.

Maker, but she was beautiful. Teagan didn’t think he would ever get over it.

“Teagan,” Meri said. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

“I know.” He ran a hand through his hair nervously. “My lady, I would have a word with you.”

Her entire body seemed to deflate. “Very well,” she said. “I suppose we should get this over with. Would you like to come in?”

Teagan hesitated. It wasn’t proper, of course, but he didn’t want to air their business to any passing servant, either. “Yes, thank you.”

He followed her into the room, and she shut the door behind him.

“Meriana,” Teagan began.

“No, please,” she said. “Let me speak first.”

Teagan fell silent.

Meri crossed the room and stood before the fireplace.

“You don’t need to keep this up,” she said. “I appreciate that you’ve taken pains to be so polite, but you needn’t drag this on.”

He didn’t know what he’d expected, but it wasn’t that.

“My lady, I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

“You’ve been very kind,” she continued, “indulging my feelings for you so as not to cause me pain, but I understand. I know the way the world works. You need not concern yourself any longer. I will be fine.”

Teagan’s anger flared. “Do you mean to say you think I’ve been _faking_ my affection for you?” He all but growled the words.

Meri started and looked up from the flames. “I don’t blame you for it,” she said quickly. “I understand. We are so mismatched. A handsome nobleman and a battle-scarred rogue? A soldier forever tied to the Grey Wardens? You need someone respectable. You deserve as much.”

He was beside himself with fury. “Who put such ideas in your head?”

She hesitated. “Well...I was talking to Isolde. About the night we spent together in the kitchens.I wanted her opinion, you see, about why you didn’t...but even I could see the obviousness of it, once she pointed it out.”

Teagan had heard enough. With two steps, he closed the distance between them, taking her up in his arms and covering her mouth with his.

For a second, she was frozen, and then she melted in his arms. Her lips moved with his, urgently, fervently. Her hands slid upward to his face. She tangled her fingers in his hair.

Teagan couldn’t get enough of her. Her lips were as soft and warm as he’d imagined they would be, only no amount of imagining could have prepared him for this. She kissed with the same passion she showed in battle. Her body was pressed against his. He wanted to touch every inch of her.

His hands found the hem of her tunic and slipped underneath it. She gasped in pleasure at the touch of his skin on her stomach.

Some distant part of Teagan’s brain protested. Too much, too fast.

Meri moaned and pressed herself closer. Her kisses were intoxicating. If he didn’t stop soon, he wasn’t going to be able to.

Using every bit of his willpower, Teagan broke away.

Meri was breathing heavily. Her lips were red from kissing, and her eyes were dark with passion.

Teagan’s heart beat hard and fast in his chest. He reached up with one hand and touched her cheek.

When he spoke, his voice was low. “I am not,” he said, “faking it.”

 

 


	4. Seduction

It had been nearly a month since Teagan left the palace and returned to Redcliffe, and he was going crazy. He’d never had so much impatience dealing with the day to day matters of ruling, and he knew what the cause was. He couldn’t get his mind off Meriana.

He’d stayed on in Denerim for longer than he should have. He couldn’t bring himself to leave her. They’d both been very busy, but they made time together every evening, sitting before the hearth in the library or sneaking down to the kitchens for dessert. It was all innocent, of course. Well, mostly innocent. Meri’s kisses could set Teagan on fire.

Finally, his duties at Redcliffe had become too considerable to ignore, and they parted reluctantly. Teagan promised to return as soon as he could, and he wrote Meri a letter every night he was away.

This had been a particularly stressful day, and it was a relief to finally sit down in his study to write to his love.

 

_My dearest Meriana,_

_Every day that I am away from you seems longer than the next. I can hardly believe it is only a month since we parted. It feels more like several years._

_I shall not bore you again with an account of my day to day affairs. Suffice it to say that nothing has changed since yesterday. I hope that I may soon have opportunity to return to Denerim, and to your side._

_Have I told you, my lady, the moment I first fell in love with you? It was--_

A knock on the door interrupted Teagan’s train of thought. With an exasperated sigh, he set down his pen. “Yes, what is it?”

A servant opened the door and curtseyed. “Ser, a visitor has just arrived for you. She insists upon--”

“No.” An annoyed voice drifted in from the corridor. “I have no desire to change my garb first. I’m certain the Arl will want to see me as soon as possible. Will you please--”

Teagan would know that voice anywhere. As soon as the first sounds registered, he was moving. The startled servant stepped aside as Teagan barrelled past her out the door.

There she was, standing just down the hall, wearing leather armor and arguing with his butler. Teagan broke into a run. Meri looked up just in time to be swept up into his arms, armor and all.

He knew his servants were gaping at him, and he didn’t care. He clutched his beautiful Warden tight against his chest and pressed his lips to her hair.

She laughed. “I guess you’re happy to see me.”

He didn’t dignify that with an answer. Instead he asked. “How in Andraste’s name did you get away?”

“Are you kidding? The king is my best friend. Anyway, Alistair has me practically running the place. So I gave myself a vacation.”

He laughed at her easy dismissal.

“Teagan...are you going to let me go anytime soon?”

“I wasn’t planning on it.”

She smacked him lightly on the shoulder.

He let out an exaggerated sigh. “Very well, then.” He loosened his grip, but didn’t release her completely.

“That’s better.” She touched his cheek. “I can see your face now.”

Without taking his eyes from Meri, Teagan addressed his butler. “Roderick, this ‘battle-scarred rogue’” -- he used the description Meri had so often repeated -- “is Meriana Cousland, the Hero of Ferelden.” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Roderick’s shocked face, and he smirked inwardly. “You will prepare a guest room for her?”

“Of course, ser. The best quarters are already being made ready for our Hero.”

Teagan turned his attention back to Meri. “Are you tired? Would you like to turn in for the night?”

She shook her head. “I’m tired, yes, but I want to see you, for a few hours at least.”

He smiled. “I was hoping you’d say that. Er, would you like to...” he trailed off, reluctant to repeat Roderick’s offer of a change of clothing after hearing her response the first time.

She must have read his mind, because she answered with a chuckle. “Yes, Teagan, now that I’ve seen you, I wouldn’t mind changing into something more comfortable. Perhaps I should meet you in the library in a half hour?”

He raised her hand to his lips. “I shall count the seconds.”

 

Meri was the only woman in the world who could make a plain tunic and breeches look so tantalizing.

At times like this, Teagan thought he could just sit and talk with her forever, but the library fire was dwindling and he knew they would soon need to turn in for the evening.

“Do you know what I was doing when you showed up?” Teagan asked.

“No, what were you doing?”

“I was writing you a letter.”

She grinned. “Is that so? And what were you writing?”

“I was about to write about the moment I fell in love with you.”

Meri grew still.

“It was up on that hilltop, outside Castle Redcliffe. Near the windmill, do you remember? Isolde came out of the castle and begged me to return with her, and you weren’t going to let me.” He laughed. “I can still see the look on your face.”

“I remember,” said Meri.

“I told you that if it came down to it, you needed to save Eamon. That the rest of us were expendable.”

Meri narrowed her eyes. “I remember that, too.”

“I’ll never forget the way you looked at me. Like you were angry with me for suggesting my life wasn’t important.”

“I _was_ angry.”

“Well. I’d never seen such determination before.” He smiled. “I have since, of course. But do you remember what you said?”

“Not exactly, no.”

“You said you weren’t going to let any of us die. You would rescue us all. You promised.”

“And?”

“And I believed you. You were going to save us. You wouldn’t accept anything less. That was the moment I fell in love with you.”

He didn’t expect the look on her face. It was almost...stricken.

Teagan was instantly terrified he’d made some mistake. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s not wrong. I -- you love me?”

Teagan’s heart thumped. “I’ve told you before. I must have. Haven’t I?”

Meri shook her head, biting her lip.

How had he let it go this long without saying? It seemed so obvious, so impossible for him to feel anything else. And all this time, she hadn’t known.

Everything had changed in an instant. This moment meant everything. He needed to say it again and do it right this time.

Heart still pounding, Teagan took her hand and pressed a kiss to her palm, letting the moment linger. “Meri.” He locked his gaze on her face, searching for any sign of her feelings. “I’m in love with you.”

She was still biting her lip, and Teagan almost thought she might cry. But no, a smile broke out over her face. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a passionate kiss.

At the touch of her lips, Teagan moaned. His hands found her waist and he pulled her closer, savoring the taste and feel of her.

It quickly became clear that this kiss was less innocent than others they’d shared. Meri teased him with light, feathery kisses that drove him wild. He tried to capture her mouth with his, but she moved to his neck, nibbling and biting. Her hands slid over the planes of his chest.

Teagan drew in a sharp breath. “We should stop.”

She had turned her attentions to his ear now. “Why?”

“I want it to be right...”

“It is right.” Suddenly, she stopped. “Isn’t it?”

Maker, he was getting this all messed up. “Of course it is. I mean, you and I -- it’s the best thing I’ve ever known.”

Meri sighed. “Good.” She returned to nuzzling his ear.

Teagan was rapidly losing all semblance of coherent thought. Meri’s lips were doing wondrous things along his jawline. Her hands trailed lower, lower...they fumbled with the laces of his breeches....

He should stop her. Their first time together wasn’t supposed to be a hurried tumble in the library. There ought to be candles, flowers, champagne. He wanted to do that for her.

But he was fast losing his resolve.

“Wait...wait....”

“Why?” Again, she pulled back, but this time, there was vulnerability in her eyes. “Why, Teagan?”

“This isn’t how I planned it. I wanted to make it special for you....”

He hated that vulnerability. He wanted to kiss it away. He was already getting it wrong.

She cupped his cheek in her hand and brushed her thumb along his cheekbone. “It’s special because it’s you. I don’t need anything else.”

He hesitated. “Are you sure?”

In response, she touched her lips to his.

Teagan gave up all resistance, gathering her up in his arms. His kiss was hungry, demanding. He couldn’t get enough of her.

Meri returned the kiss with equal passion.

His hands slid under her tunic, and he groaned when he found the curve of her breasts. In one deft movement, he slid her tunic over her head, then unlaced her bra band.

Maker’s breath, she was beautiful. There were no words.

Teagan laid her gently back on the sofa, lowering his head to one breast. Meri gasped as his lips touched her skin. His tongue gently laved her nipple.

“Teagan...please...”

He took his time, savoring the salty taste of her skin, the way her breath heaved beneath him. Slowly he moved to the other breast, sucking and nibbling. His hand covered the abandoned breast, massaging gently.

“Maker’s breath...Teagan...”

His other hand trailed slowly down her stomach. Meri squirmed beneath him, trying to get him to speed up, but Teagan wouldn’t be rushed. Inch by torturous inch, his fingers traced a line down her belly, hesitating just above her breeches.

He looked up at her face.

She was flushed, and her eyes were feverish with desire. She met his gaze and whispered one word. “ _Please_.”

His fingers slipped into her breeches, under her smallclothes.

Instantly, her back arched in pleasure. Teagan watched her as he touched her, basking in her reactions. Her body trembled. Her hands clutched the cushions.

It was the most breathtaking thing he’d ever seen.

But he wasn’t done yet.

With a tug, Teagan pulled her breeches and smalls out of his way. His lips and tongue replaced his fingers, and Meri moaned. Her body was shuddering in earnest now. Her fingers tangled in his hair.

_Please_ , thought Teagan. _I want it_.

As if on cue, Meri’s whole frame tensed and she cried out. Teagan only sped up what he was doing, watching her as she thrashed on the sofa, gasping in pleasure. Only when the fingers entwined in his hair began to push him away did he slowly lift his head.

Meri sat up, pulling him to her, and claimed his mouth savagely. The evidence of his desire pressed against her, and she made a small noise.

“Now,” Meri pleaded. “Teagan, now.”

He didn’t need to be asked twice.

Meri’s deft fingers made short work of the buttons of his shirt. She trailed kisses across his chest, driving him absolutely mad, while she tugged at the laces of his trousers. In a short minute, they were gone, too. Meri straddled him, her arms around his neck.

“Are you sure?” Teagan murmured, kissing her everywhere he could reach. “Meri, are you sure?”

In answer, she reached down and took hold of him, guiding him toward her. “I’m sure.”

Teagan slid into her, and Meri drew in her breath.

Maker’s blood.

She was hot and slick. The world receded until there was nothing left but the two of them and the pleasure that held them. His hands roamed over her body, trying to memorize her every curve. Meri writhed against his touch.

_Slow_ , Teagan told himself, fighting the nearly irresistible urge to spend himself inside her here and now. _Take it slow. For her._

Meri was having none of that. With a groan of complaint, she tilted his head back so she could more easily access his lips with her own. As his hand slid up to cup a breast, she began to move atop him.

“Meri,” he gasped. He wanted to tell her to slow down, but he was swept up in the sensations coursing through his body. Her skin felt so soft, and her lips were sweet. The smell of her lilac perfume tantalized him. Her entire body caressed him as she slid up and down his length. He was beyond the point where slowing down was an option.

As Teagan drew his lips down to her breasts, Meri cried out, throwing her head back. Her muscles clenched around him, and her entire body went taut.

It was too much. With a moan, Teagan exploded inside her. Ecstasy flooded his body, pulsing, throbbing. He grasped Meri closer and succumbed to the madness overtaking him.

When it was done, they collapsed back on the sofa, Meri on top of Teagan. Teagan was certain there were no bones left in his body. He couldn’t have moved a muscle if he tried.

Meri lifted her head just enough to look at Teagan. She traced one finger along his jaw. Emotion was burning in her eyes.

“I love you, too,” she said

  



	5. Confrontation

“You cannot be serious.”

Teagan was expecting Eamon’s reaction. Still, his heart sank at his brother’s words. Inwardly, he steeled himself for a fight.

“Teagan,” Eamon said. “You know I am fond of the girl, and I have not objected to your fling. But you cannot marry her.”

 _Fling_. Teagan fought down his anger. “I can, Brother, and I intend to, if she’ll have me.”

Eamon sighed. “I understand how you feel. Truly, I do. I am not without heart. She is a kind soul, and very pretty as well. But a man in your position cannot marry a Grey Warden.”

 _You understand nothing_ , Teagan thought, _nothing at all_. Kind and pretty were such understatements as to almost be insulting.

“You did not have an objection when you attempted to betroth me to her.”

It was a might-have-been that often plagued his mind. On one hand, he could hardly believe he’d been so close to having her as his wife, and he cursed the loss of all the time they could have had together. But on the other, he wondered if she would still have become fond of him had he been forced upon her by a political arrangement. The idea made him shudder inside every time he thought of it. As much as he wanted her, he could never truly be happy without knowing she chose him willingly.

Now, after all of Eamon’s meddling to make the arrangement, when Teagan tried to do it for himself, Eamon was telling him he couldn’t.

“Brother, you know as well as I that the political landscape has changed. And have you thought of what her motivations might be?”

Teagan was boiling with anger. “She loves me.”

“Perhaps. But consider, Teagan. She is much younger than you, and very beautiful. And you, well, you are an arl. Titled. Rich.”

There were so many offensive implications in Eamon’s words that Teagan didn’t know where to start. “I shall pass over the implied slur to my character that she couldn’t love me for myself. You can say whatever you want about me. But to accuse Meri of using me in such a way shows that you don’t know her at all.”

Eamon smiled regretfully. “Many a man has felt as you do, and many a man has been deceived. You cannot deny that an inequality of position exists, and that titles and money are powerful motivators.”

“She is the Hero of Fereldan, the daughter of a teyrn, and the King’s most trusted advisor.” His words carried an implied insult. If Meri was most trusted, then Eamon, as King’s Chancellor, was not. “If there is any question of inequality of position, I should think it would be of hers being higher than my own.”

“She was stripped of all titles when she joined the Wardens. She has gone from nobility to nothing. Teagan, you cannot marry outside of the nobility. You have a duty to the people in your arling.”

Teagan wanted to laugh at that, but he didn’t. “No matter what her title, she is a lady.”

“Of course. Understand, Brother, I don’t speak now of my personal opinion. It is the prejudices of the masses that concerns me. I like it as little as you do, but those who serve the people as we do must account for their wishes, whether fair or unfair.”

“You did not seem so concerned about your people’s loyalty when you married an Orlesian woman.”

Eamon’s nostrils flared. Teagan had hit a nerve, and he knew it.

His brother’s response, however, was surprisingly calm. “Isolde is still a noble. No matter what Meriana accomplishes, no matter what honors the king bestows upon her, she will always be a Grey Warden. A soldier.”

“I know that.” Teagan’s control was slipping, but he didn’t care. “Being a Warden is what allowed her to act when the world needed her. By the Maker, Eamon, I’m not about to let her get away. Not while I can help it.”

“This isn’t about what you want.” Eamon’s voice grew heated as well. “Nobility is a duty. You are no longer a bann, Brother. With an arling comes new responsibility. Your people come first. You cannot afford to be selfish.”

That was a bit rich, coming from Eamon. Eamon, who always put Isolde above everything.

“I have always served the people,” Teagan said. “And they are not the fools you would make them out to be. My marriage to the hero of the realm can only do them honor.”

“If the world were just, perhaps. But some things simply do not change.”

“Pardon me, sers.”

Teagan and Eamon turned at the sound. It was a servant, an older man. He stood in the doorway, looking startled at his own nerve for interrupting.

“Yes, what is it?” Eamon said.

He spoke quietly. “I know I should not have been eavesdropping, but I was just walking past, you see, and I couldn’t help but hear....” His voice faltered.

Jonas, Teagan recalled. That was his name. “Never fear, Jonas, it’s all right. Tell us what you have to say.”

“It’s just...as a citizen of Redcliffe, I wanted to say...I would be honored to have the Hero of Ferelden as my arlessa. I think were such an event to occur, there would be much rejoicing among the common people.”

Teagan’s pride swelled to hear it. He believed as much, of course, but to hear it confirmed -- well, he was quite proud, both of his people and of Meri.

Eamon, on the other hand, did not look pleased. Teagan had rarely seen him speechless.

“Then you wouldn’t mind that she is Warden?” Teagan asked Jonas.

“No, ser. She is a hero. She saved us all. Whether she has a title is a matter that does not concern us. She earned her place among the nobility through action. And for those of us on the bottom -- well, sers, forgive me, but it’s not bad to know that such a thing is possible.”

Eamon looked as though he had swallowed something unpleasant.

“Thank you, Jonas. You may leave us.”

Jonas bowed nervously and disappeared quickly down the corridor.

Teagan rose and closed the door. He didn’t speak. There was nothing to say that Eamon didn’t already know.

When he turned around, Eamon’s expression had changed. He looked...hollow.

“Isolde will never accept her as a peer,” he whispered.

And that was the crux of it. Teagan understood what he was asking, and why he asked it.

But he had no intention of giving in.

“I’m sorry, brother,” he said. “I sympathize with your situation. Truly, I do. But you’ve given that woman everything she wants, even at the expense of other people you love.” It was Alistair he thought of now, sent off to the Chantry at Isolde’s whim for the great crime of being an unruly ten-year-old. “Not this time, Brother. It ends here.”

Eamon sighed, and his resignation showed in his eyes. He did not look at Teagan.

“Well, then, Brother. I wish you every happiness.”

Teagan watched him for a moment more, but Eamon didn’t move. With one last look, Teagan left the room, closing the door behind him.

 

 


	6. Forever

As soon as the flowers arrived, Teagan began to sneeze.

He looked around in dismay. His quarters were full of the beautiful lilac arrangements. He wasn’t allergic to lilacs. Why was he sneezing?

Another huge sneeze hit him, and snot dripped from his nose.

This was awful. Meri was on her way right now. He squinted at the flowers, trying to figure out what had happened. Then he saw the small, white flowers interspersed among the lilacs. Lily of the valley.

He wasn’t allergic to lilacs, but he was allergic to lilies.

He could push through it. He had to. Everything was set up in here. The flowers, the food, the champagne… all right, the minstrel was late, but that could be dealt with. He’d just put up with -- with --

_Achoo!_

Right, he had to get out.

In the corridor, Teagan rubbed the moisture from his eyes to clear his cloudy vision. All right, he would have to go to plan B.

If only he had a plan B.

Teagan tucked his hand in his pocket and touched the ring there, reminding himself just how much was at stake. This had to be perfect. He couldn’t give Meri anything less. Tonight was the last night of his visit here at the palace. There would be no more chances. It had to be now.

Meri came around the corner. When she saw him, she stopped dead in her tracks.

Wonderful. Teagan took out his handkerchief and wiped his face. She was early, and he was a mess.

Meri lurched forward and took his hand. “You’re ill?”

Maker, her eyes were the prettiest shade of green. He had the color memorized.

“Not ill. Just an allergy, nothing to be concerned about.”

Worry lines creased her forehead. “Let me take you inside and we can--”

“No!”

Meri’s eyes widened.

Maker’s breath, he was making a mess of this. “Let’s not go in there. Let’s go-- let’s go to your quarters.”

“I thought you arranged for dinner here.”

“Yes, but--” He couldn’t tell her about the flowers. It was too embarrassing. “Your quarters are so much nicer than the guest rooms.” 

Meri looked confused, and rightly so. He’d never expressed a preference in quarters before. “If that’s what you want,” she said.

\-------

By the time they arrived, Teagan’s nose had stopped running, though he suspected it was still red. He made a beeline for her washbasin to scrub his face clean. Once that was done, he rang for a servant. He’d have to have the dinner brought from his quarters to here. Then Teagan sat down with Meri to wait for the servant to arrive.

“How was the meeting today?” he asked.

Meri laughed. “Aside from Alistair tripping over his feet in from of the grand duchess?”

“He didn’t.”

“He did. But he recovered quickly, and he handled himself well. I’m proud of him. He’ll be a good king.” Her brow furrowed. “I think I did the right thing.”

Her words made Teagan nervous. “You’re not sure?”

“There’s no doubt in my mind that he can do this job. And he cares so much about the people that I know he’ll do it well. I just -- I’m not sure it was the kindest thing to do. For him.”

Teagan understood her concern. He shared it in part. Not that he questioned Meri’s choice, because he believed she’d done what was best. But the worry for Alistair, that he felt. Teagan could tell the job wore on Alistair, and he feared his nephew’s happiness might be crushed under the burden.

“But the meeting with the grand duchess was a success, overall,” Meri said, and with that she began recounting the rest of the negotiations. 

The conversation engrossed him. He could easily get lost in Meri’s voice, her eyes, her smile. He was so captivated that a half hour went by before he realized that no servant had shown up to answer his ring.

“Oh, no.”

Meri frowned. “What is it?”

They were supposed to have roast lamb. It had all been set up in his quarters. The champagne had been poured. Everything had been awaiting Meri’s arrival.

And now it had been sitting out for half an hour.

“The food,” Teagan groaned.

Meri smiled. “The servant never showed up, did he? It’s been a busy day with the grand duchess’s visit. That’s all right. Ring again, and they can bring whatever’s left in the kitchens. I have some bread and cheese in here to tide us over. And some cider.”

Bread, cheese, cider, and whatever was left in the kitchens. Teagan thought with despair of the roast lamb, the champagne, and all his wasted preparations.

“Is...that all right with you?” Meri asked tentatively.

“I suppose it will have to be,” he said without thinking.

Meri bit her lip, then turned to retrieve the food, a bottle, and a corkscrew from a cupboard.

At least he could be a gentleman. “Allow me to open that for you.”

Meri handed over the bottle and corkscrew with a smile. Her fingers brushed his. Even after all these months, the slightest touch could make his pulse quicken.

He wanted to be with her always. And it could really happen. If she said yes, they would be married. She would be his forever.

He already knew that he would be hers forever.

“Teagan?”

The cider. He’d been so distracted he’d forgotten what he was doing. Teagan tore his eyes from her face and turned his attention to the bottle.

The cork was stuck. It wouldn’t come out. He gave a hard tug.

It popped out. Not just the cork. The whole bottle slipped from his grasp. Meri jumped forward to catch it.

Cider splashed all over her gown.

“No,” Teagan moaned.

Meri looked at him. A devilish glint came into her eye.

“You know,” she said, moving closer suggestively, “this doesn’t have to be a bad thing. I think I might need some help getting out of these clothes.”

Maker preserve him. He couldn’t resist that tone in her voice. She reached for him, trailing a hand down his chest, his stomach…

No. No, no, no. Maker take him, this was hard. In too many ways. But he hadn’t asked her yet. If they did this, and then she said no…

He wouldn’t be able to take it.

He grabbed her hand, stopping her. Meri blinked up at him in confusion.

Teagan took a step back. He needed some air. He paced away from her, then back.

“Meri, I’m sorry.”

He was horrified to see tears in her eyes.

Teagan reached out immediately, tugging her into his arms in one swift motion. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Did I do something wrong?”

“Never.” He felt sick at how he’d hurt her. “Of course not.”

Her arms tightened around him. 

Teagan pressed a kiss to the top of her head. He’d made her cry. He couldn’t propose now. It would have to wait until the next time she came to Redcliffe, he supposed.

No. He suddenly realized exactly what he needed to do.

“I can fix this,” he said. “I can save this night. Meri, will you come with me?”

\----------

“Please. I need your help. This is my last chance to make it work.”

Sirella, the old elven cook, glanced at the door and clucked her tongue. Meri was waiting just outside, probably more confused than ever. “You’d think you noblemen would know a little more about love,” Sirella said.

Teagan’s stomach sank. “Then you won’t help me?”

“Of course I’ll help you.” She shook her head in exasperation. “You should have come to me in the first place.”

\-----------

Dandelion wine and strawberries in the kitchen. Sirella was right. Teagan should have done this in the first place.

He was relieved to see that Meri seemed happy now. She was gazing at him adoringly, and Teagan was sure his face matched hers.

Right. It was time.

His hand shook as he slipped the ring from his pocket, holding wrapping his fingers around it tight. This was the most important moment of his life. He’d practiced what he would say over and over in the mirror. Now that he was here, every single blessed word had flown straight out of his head.

“Meri.” His voice shook, and he had to stop and take a breath.

She looked as if she had turned to stone.

“Meriana,” he tried again.

“What’s wrong?” Her voice was small. Was she afraid? Maybe she had guessed what was coming, and she didn’t want him to ask.

“I -- I want to --”

He took another deep breath. There was only one way to do this, and that was just to do it.

He stood abruptly. Then he kneeled.

For a moment, Meri’s face was blank. Then she clapped a hand over her mouth.

“Meriana Cousland,” Teagan began again. His voice was still trembling, but he pushed through it. “I love you. I can’t imagine a life without you. I’m sorry, I know I should have better words, but -- I want to be with you. Forever.”

Tears leaked from Meri’s eyes. Maker, he hoped that was a good sign.

“Please, Meri -- will you be my wife?”

For one single heartbeat, his world hung in the balance.

And then, with a sob, Meri threw her arms around him. The force of her hug was so sudden that it sent him off balance. He fell backwards with her on top of him, only just managing to keep his grip on the ring.

She kissed his cheek, his neck, his lips. “Yes,” she said between kisses. “Yes, Teagan, yes, I will marry you.”

Every yes went straight to his heart.

Applause burst around them. Teagan turned his head to see Sirella and the rest of the kitchen staff in the doorway, smiling and clapping.

With an embarrassed smile, Meri pulled back to let him sit up.

That was Teagan’s chance. He lifted himself up to sitting and held out the ring. His other hand took hers, and slowly, watching her face -- secretly afraid she would take those yeses back -- he slid the ring on her finger.

She looked at it, and her eyes teared up again. It was a pale amethyst, as close as he could find to the color of the lilacs she loved.

He kissed her softly, just once, and leaned his forehead against hers. “If you want to go back to your quarters now,” he whispered, “and finish what you were starting before, I’m entirely on board with that plan.”

Meri laughed through her tears.

\------------

Her cries woke him in the night. She often had nightmares, but these cries sounded different. He heard his name torn from her lips, and his breath caught.

“Meri, Meri, Meri.” He touched her shoulder, then brushed back her hair, trying to be as soothing as he could. “Sh, sh. You’re dreaming, Meri. I’m here. Wake up, sweetheart. I’ve got you.”

Suddenly she sat straight up. Her eyes landed on Teagan, and she reached for him.

He took her in his arms and kissed the top of her head. “You’re okay,” he said. “I’m right here. I’m not letting you go.”

Meri started to sob. Her face pressed against his shoulder. Her tears were wet against his skin. He stroked her hair, whispering comforting words.

Eventually, her sobs quieted.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

She shuddered. “You were dead,” she murmured, her voice muffled by his shoulder. “The darkspawn got you. I tried to get there, but I couldn’t. I watched them --”

Her breath hitched.

Teagan held her tighter. “I’m not dead. I’m right here.”

“I keep waiting for the day I’m going to lose you.”

“You won’t.”

“I could.”

“Look at me. I’m here. I’m safe. I’m not going to die.”

Meri shivered. “You might leave.”

Teagan was shocked. “What?”

“You could leave me. If you left, I wouldn’t -- I couldn’t --”

He kissed her to stop her words. She responded desperately, her lips moving urgently with his. When they broke apart, Teagan touched her bottom lip with the tip of his finger. “We’re going to be together forever. You’re going to be my wife.”

Meri looked down. “You want me now, but -- I don’t think it can last.”

“I know it will last.”

“You could change your mind.”

“No. Never.”

“But --”

He clasped her hand, touching the ring on her finger. “This is a promise, Meri. I will never stop loving you. I will never stop needing you. Please don’t doubt it, Meriana.”

She looked up at him, and her eyes softened.

“All right,” she whispered. “I believe you.”

They didn’t speak after that. Teagan held her as she fell asleep, her head on his chest, his hand rubbing her back. Her breathing slowed as she dropped into sleep. 

Teagan let his thoughts turn back to the events of the day. His head fill with Meri: all those yeses and beautiful kisses, her face when she saw the ring, and the fact that she was here in his arms at this very moment.

When he fell asleep, he had wonderful dreams, and they were all about Meri.


	7. Revelations

When Alistair emerged from his royal quarters in the morning and saw Meri waiting for him in the corridor, he turned around to go right back in.

Unfortunately for him, Meri grabbed his arm before he could escape. “Oh, no, you don’t,” she said. “You can’t avoid me forever.”

“I can try,” he said hopefully.

Meri smacked him lightly on the arm.

“Careful,” Alistair said. “You can’t just hit a king like that. That’s treason, you know. I could have you thrown in the dungeons.”

“Is that so?”

He nodded somberly. “Executed, even.”

“I’ll take my chances,” Meri replied dryly. “If I was in the dungeons--or dead--you’d actually have to do all this work by yourself.”

Alistair made a face. “You make a good point.” He heaved a sigh. “All right, then, give it to me. What cursed thing would you have me do now? Some mind-numbingly boring meeting with the Bannorn? More diplomatic relations with Orlesian representatives?”

“What makes you think it’s anything like that?”

“It’s what you’re always after these days. There’s always some kingly duty or other you’re trying to drag out of me.”

Meri shrugged. “Why can’t I just want to see my friend? It’s not like I get to do that much anymore.”

Instantly Alistair felt guilty. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” He cocked his head toward the end of the hall, and Meri nodded. Together, they began walking. “Maker, sometimes I miss old times. Darkspawn lurking around every corner, abominations, werewolves, angry dwarf royals--those were the days.”

“You can still deal with the dwarf royals.”

Alistair groaned. “Yes, but back then, you had to deal with them.”

“Well--I still do.”

“True.” He brightened a little.

“No, I know what you mean,” Meri said. “It was simpler back then. We had enemies, and we killed them. Most of the time.”

“Most of the time. As I recall, that wasn’t how you chose to deal with the dwarf royals.”

“No, but I thought about it.”

Alistair snorted.

“Well, usually it was simpler,” Meri clarified. “We fought together. We traveled together. If we wanted to talk, we talked. If we didn’t want to talk--we usually talked anyway.”

Alistair laughed. “No palaces, no politics,” he agreed. “Not between us, anyway.”

He stole a glance at her out of the corner of his eye. She was beautiful, but that wasn’t what he noticed first about her, and never had been. She had a core of strength that couldn’t be ignored. He’d seen it the first time he ever met her, and in this moment, it struck him again. Meriana Cousland could do anything.

Meri looked at her hands. “Things may not be as easy as they were back then,” she said, “but you’re still my best friend. I still need you. I don’t want you to forget that.”

Alistair swallowed around a lump that seemed to have grown in his throat. “Is this the sappy, happy portion of our day, then?” he said, trying to make light of it. “Shall we make daisy wreaths and dance in a circle?”

Meri rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. “I should have known better than to try to be serious with you.”

Alistair stopped walking and took Meri’s hand. She looked up with wide eyes.

“I need you, too,” Alistair said gruffly. “Maybe more than ever.”

Meri squeezed his hand. Then she pounced on him, throwing her arms around his neck in a giant hug.

Inconspicuously, Alistair sniffed her hair. How did the woman always manage to smell like lilacs?

“Actually,” Meri said, releasing him, “I haven’t been completely honest with you. I do have a favor to ask.”

“I knew it!” exclaimed Alistair. “What is it this time? Antivan ambassadors? Squabbles between nobles? Or a giant stack of paperwork that needs signatures?”

She shook her head. “This is something for me.”

Alistair’s eyebrows shot up. “A personal favor? This should be good. I can’t remember the last time you asked for something for yourself.”

“I want you to give me away.”

At first, Alistair had no idea what she was talking about. She wanted to go and be advisor for the Orlesians? Then reality hit him.

“You’re getting married,” he said.

Meri beamed, oblivious to Alistair’s shock. “He asked me,” she said. “Can you believe it?”

 _I can believe it_ , Alistair thought. _Teagan would be a fool to let you go._

“He makes you happy,” Alistair murmured. “I can tell. You smile more since you started seeing him.”

“He’s a good man,” Meri said simply. “I’m very lucky. Honestly, I don’t know what he sees in me, or how I can deserve him.”

He hated it when she put herself down. It made him want to grab her and tell her exactly what Teagan--and every other right-thinking man--saw in her; how beautiful and sweet and strong and unselfish and _loving_ she was. How it was Teagan who should be thanking his lucky stars and praying to the Maker to make him worthy of her. How Alistair would give anything to be in Teagan’s shoes.

He could tell her. He could tell her everything. The words were on his lips.

She looked at him, completely oblivious to his internal struggle.

He couldn’t do it.

“This is what you want?” Alistair said instead.

She beamed. “It’s everything I want.”

Alistair let out a breath. “Then I guess I can’t argue.”

So she would get married. But at least she was his friend. His best friend in all the world. It wasn’t what he would have chosen, but he was grateful not to have to let her go completely.

Meri punched him lightly on the arm again, making him jump. “Ow! What is it now?”

“You never answered my question.”

Alistair racked his brain, trying to remember whatever it was he had forgotten.

“The wedding, Alistair. Will you give me away?”

“Oh! That.”

“It should be you. You’re my best friend. It’s the most important day of my life, and I want you at my side.”

“What about Fergus?”

Meri shrugged, but he could see in the tightening of her shoulders that she wasn’t happy. “He can’t come out. It’s probably for the best. I think it would only hurt him to see me starting my life when he’s lost everything.”

Awkwardly, Alistair touched her shoulder. He was trying to be comforting, but he had the feeling it was probably just weird. “I’m sorry.”

Meri smiled and put her hand over his. “Don’t be. I told you, I want you at my side. Have you forgotten already?"

“Forgotten...what?”

She squeezed his hand. “I still need you.”

 _That’s not fair_ , he thought. _Not fair at all. How do I move on when you say things like that?_

“Alistair. You still haven’t said if you’ll do it.”

He sighed.

“Of course I’ll give you away.”

Again, Meri threw her arms around him. “Thank you!”

This time, Alistair hugged her tight against his chest and kissed the top of her head. “Congratulations,” he whispered.

\------------

As soon as Meri was gone, Alistair headed straight back to his quarters. He lay on his bed now, staring up at the ornately decorated ceiling. He knew it was irresponsible, that he had important Things To Do, but at the moment he just didn’t care.

He should be thinking about Meri getting married, but it was like his brain had turned itself off. At the moment, the only thought passing through his head was to wonder whose idea it had been to paint scenes from the Chant of Light on the royal ceiling. Then he wondered if Anora stared at those scenes when she...joined him. _Oh, look, there’s Maferath about to betray Andraste_. Ugh.

It wasn’t that there was anything wrong with Anora. She was perfectly polite to him, and they worked well together in the business of governing. It was just that...she was cold. Alistair knew that when she looked at him, she didn’t see a man. She saw the reason her father was dead.

And if he was honest, when he looked at her, he saw Loghain’s daughter. A woman who idolized the man that had taken everything Alistair had.

He would have liked it to be different, but he wasn’t a fool. The highest emotion he and Anora would ever feel for each other was respect.

Was it wrong for him to wish for more? Maker’s breath, he wanted to feel. He wanted to have passion and fire and romance. He wanted a woman to look at him with longing in her eyes, and to know her longing was for him.

He wanted to be desired. He wanted to be loved.

The worst of it was, he really believed Meri could have been that woman. If he had told her about his feelings, back when they were both single, he was sure she would have given him a chance. She obviously cared about him a great deal. If he had told her, back then, surely that affection could have turned into something more. They could have had a love that would rival legends.

Ah, there it was. He knew his thoughts would get around to Meri eventually.

He sat up. No more. No more regrets, no more dwelling on the past. There was nothing to be changed. Meri was moving on, and she deserved it. It was time for him to do the same. It wouldn’t be easy, but it was starting now.

She was his friend. He loved being her friend. He loved being able to joke and tease. He loved having her at his side, and he loved seeing her happy.

It would be enough.

Alistair sighed. It was not a day for politics. He was getting out of this blighted castle. Responsibilities be damned.

\----------

A simple guard uniform was the best disguise Alistair had found so far. He could walk through the corridors without anyone taking notice of him. He could hide his face, and no one would question it.

He was almost away scot-free when he turned a corner and slammed headfirst into someone. Before he knew it, he found himself landing hard on his backside.

“I’m so sorry!” a female voice said.

Alistair looked up. A blond woman was standing over him, holding out a hand.

He squeezed his eyes shut. “Please tell me you’re not some visiting dignitary. You’re a duchess, aren’t you? An arlessa?”

Her lips quirked. “My father’s a merchant. No title, just Alexia. I’m no one important, only visiting a cousin who is.”

Alistair let out a sigh and took her hand, letting her pull him up. “That’s a relief.”

The woman -- Alexia -- laughed. “Are you new?”

New? Oh. She thought he was a guard. Of course. “Well… I’ve only been here a few months.” It wasn’t a lie.

“I’ve barely been here a day, so you’re ahead of me, at least. You probably know more than you realize... like the difference between a duchess and an arlessa and why you shouldn’t try to knock over either one.” Her playful grin softened to a reassuring smile “Don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll be fine once you get a feel for it.”

“I hope so. To be honest, I’m beginning to despair of ever getting the hang of my job.” He stopped, taking her in. Pretty grey eyes, blond hair pulled back -- and full plate armor. “Do you always dress like this to visit relatives?”

She laughed again. “No, only business partners. At the moment, though, I’m headed to the practice yard.”

“Oh.” _Very eloquent, Alistair. Quite the diplomat you’re going to be_.

There was an awkward pause. Then Alexia smiled again. It was a great smile. The kind of smile that could put anyone at ease. “Well, good luck with your training. I’m sure you’ll pick it up.”

And then she was walking away. And he found he didn’t want her to go.

Without thinking, he called out after her. “Alexia!”

She turned.

“I’m off duty right now. Would you mind terribly if I joined you?”-

She smiled again. “Sure. I can always use a good sparring partner.”

 


	8. Honesty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to let you all know -- I've gone back and made changes in earlier chapters. After much talking with Chenria, we've agreed that her canon story for Meriana and Teagan works better if she was never in a prior relationship with Alistair. The changes are relatively minor -- Alistair is still in love with Meri, but he never told her how he felt about her and simply pined away for her secretly. Teagan knows of Alistair's feelings.
> 
> I'm sorry to those who have been following along for slipping in changes like that. I did it because I think the story will work much better this way, and I want to give Chen and all my readers the best story I can.
> 
> ALSO
> 
> Aphreal wrote an interstitial scene that comes before this part. It's called "A Proper Introduction", and the link is down at the bottom. I recommend you all check it out!
> 
> And if you want an angsty AU of this fic, click on "Missed Opportunities". It's an AU where Teagan never confesses his feelings, but Alistair does, and everyone ends up either alone or with the wrong people. Aphreal really broke my heart with that one.

As it turned out, Alexia was Meri’s cousin. 

That was… strange. Disconcerting in a way it shouldn’t be. After all, he barely knew Alexia. It wasn’t as if Alistair had any reason to be thinking about her.

Which he wasn’t. At all. In any way.

She wasn’t like Meri, and Alistair was glad. One Meri was enough -- he didn’t think his heart could take two of them. Still. Alexia was… intriguing, and Meri was impossible. And Alistair wasn’t sure, if Alexia stayed around, that his heart could take her, either.

Well, it was nothing, now. She was just a friend. A woman friend. A strong, capable, funny, beautiful woman friend.

An irrational guilt had taken hold of Alistair. He had thought he would love Meri forever -- he shouldn’t be thinking of another woman. But Meri had found Teagan, and Teagan made her happy. And despite how that hurt, he was glad, really. He wanted Meri’s happiness more than anything. 

Was it so wrong for him to move on, too?

Alistair had sparred with Alexia every day of the past week, and he found himself looking forward to their practice far more than he should. Knowing that he would see her smile later spurred him on through dull meetings and stacks of paperwork. It was nothing, though. Alexia was just a friend, and anything else was impossible.

A knock on his bedroom door startled him out of his thoughts. Another servant come to fetch him to his morning meeting, no doubt. “Yes, what is it?”

Anora opened the door.

Alistair was shocked. Anora never came here. Only when -- well, it wasn’t something she sought out, that was for sure.

“I--hello,” he said, eloquent as always.

Anora did not answer. She did not smile. She crossed the room and sat down next to him.

“I’m sorry about Meriana,” she said without preamble.

Alistair’s mouth went dry. “I don’t -- what are you talking about?”

Anora gave him a measured look. “Let’s not lie to each other, Alistair.”

Of course she knew. Nothing got by her. “It’s… okay. I’m moving on.”

“I think that’s wise.”

Alistair looked at the the woman beside him. His wife. He didn’t think the word would ever fit her.

“Do you think,” he began, then stopped and started again. “Our marriage. Should we try -- should we try?”

She examined him in a way that made him want to squirm, but he knew he didn’t have to explain. She understood all that the question contained.

Finally, she spoke. “You’re not very much like Cailan.”

“Yes, well.” He should have had a witty retort for that, but he found he didn’t have the heart for it.

Anora heaved a sigh, and to Alistair’s utter shock, she placed her hand on his. “I’m glad of it. The reminder of him would be too much. And despite what I wanted to believe, you’re a good king. You’re smarter than you think, and you know who to look to when you’re out of your depth.”

“Which is all the time, it seems.”

“Not so much as all that. And it won’t be for long.”

Alistair tried to figure out why she was telling him this. “So -- you do think we should try? You and me?”

“No. No, Alistair, I don’t think we should.”

Alistair sighed. “Neither do I. I mean, don’t get me wrong -- you’re beautiful, and a good queen, and I respect you. But we --”

“We don’t work,” Anora finished. “And that’s why I’m here.”

“Okay. Now I’m lost.”

Anora released his hand and stood up, pacing to the other side of the room. When she turned back, her arms were crossed. “I want to stop.” She gestured to the bed. “This.”

For a moment, he didn’t understand. Then he looked at the bed, and he got it. “Oh.” 

Silence.

Alistair cleared his throat. “And… an heir?”

“We’ll name one,” she said. “I think we both know there won’t be a child between us. Even the best of mages couldn’t help me and Cailan. And I don’t pretend to understand, but I can tell you have reasons for doubting your own fertility.”

Anora dropped her arms and returned to his side, sitting next to him. “There’s no reason to subject either of us to the rest of it.”

He should have been offended, perhaps. His wife, the only woman he’d ever slept with (besides Morrigan, but he would not think of Morrigan), didn’t want to share his bed anymore. He should have been hurt by that. But he could only be relieved.

“No,” he said. “There isn’t.”

\------------------------

At lunch in Teagan’s quarters, Teagan was surprised that Alistair barely spoke. Usually the young king was so happy to have a break from the monotony of bureaucracy that he talked Teagan’s ear off. Today, Teagan’s attempts at conversation earned him only a word or two in response before silence fell again.

Finally, Teagan put down his fork. “Alistair, what’s troubling you?”

“It’s nothing.”

No, Teagan wasn’t going to accept that. “It’s not nothing.”

Alistair hesitated. “I’m just thinking of -- no, it doesn’t matter. It’s nothing, really.”

Teagan considered Alistair’s words, looking for the best way to reply. “I’m here for you if you need to talk,” he said finally. “You’re family, Alistair, and more than that, I consider you a friend.” His best friend, perhaps. Teagan would be hard-pressed to find someone he had more faith in than Alistair. “So you can trust me to listen without judgement. But if you wish to keep your secrets, I will respect that as well.”

Alistair sighed, and his shoulders slumped. “I’m a terrible person.”

Teagan almost laughed at that, but he suppressed the urge. “I find that hard to believe,” he said instead.

“No, I am. I --”

He stopped.

Teagan raised an eyebrow, waiting for whatever had brought on such a ridiculous idea.

“I want to have an affair. To cheat on my wife.”

“Oh,” Teagan said, and then, as the meaning of the words struck him, “oh.”

Everything changed in an instant. He knew how Alistair felt about Meriana, of course. But he didn’t think Alistair wanted to act on those feelings.

“It’s just --” Alistair wasn’t looking at him. “There’s a woman, a friend--”

“You don’t have to explain,” Teagan said quickly. His thoughts were whirling, but he knew one thing: he didn’t want to hear the details.

Alistair frowned, and then went on. “Well, it doesn’t matter. Anora -- no, I can’t. She deserves better. And so does -- any woman I might want to be with.”

No, he wouldn’t say Meri’s name. Not to Teagan.

Teagan’s head reeled. He couldn’t lose Meri now. She was the center of his world. The light that guided him.

But what if Alistair could make her happier than he could? What if she chose Teagan because she didn’t know she could have Alistair?

Meri deserved true happiness, wherever she found it. And that meant she should have a choice. True, Alistair was married, but it was a union of politics, not love. The idea of Alistair giving up on ever being loved simply because he couldn’t marry was not something Teagan could accept. 

Alistair could be happy with Meri. And Meri loved Alistair fiercely as a friend. Surely, if she knew Alistair’s feelings, her affection would turn to something more.  
Only Teagan stood in their way. 

“I suspect,” Teagan said, his voice threatening to break, “you might find both Anora and this woman more amenable than you think. Your marriage is political, after all, and -- well. You should talk to Anora.”

Alistair groaned. “She’s going to skin me alive.”

“I think you’ll find she won’t. It’s not uncommon for monarchs to take mistresses, or even for those mistresses to have a high standing in court. Or for mistresses and wives to get along quite well.”

Alistair shook his head in disbelief. “I must have heard that wrong. For a moment, I thought you said Anora might let me take a public mistress.”

Teagan would have laughed if he didn’t feel like his heart was being rent in two. “Anora is a very practical woman.” Teagan took a deep breath and forced the next words from his throat. “If it means your happiness -- I think you should try.”

Alistair looked surprised at Teagan’s seriousness, but he nodded. “Thank you. I -- I will.”

\----------

When Meri met Teagan in the corridor outside his quarters, she did a double take. “What’s happened? You’re white as a sheet.”

Teagan looked at the woman who had become his whole world. He’d memorized the exact green of her eyes, knew exactly how her silky hair felt between his fingers. He could predict just when she would bite that full bottom lip, or what would make her eyes flash with anger. He knew what her soft skin felt like beneath his hands, and how her face looked when it was flushed with passion. She was everything to him.

He might lose her. And if he did, he would need the memory of these details to keep him going. Even if her love proved only temporary, he could never regret a moment of his time with her.

“Teagan?” Meri’s voice startled him out of his thoughts. “You’re starting to worry me. Are you all right?”

Teagan reached out and touched her cheek. She was solid, real. Even though she might disappear into Alistair’s arms, she was here with him now.

“Do you love me, Meri?”

“Of course I do.” She sounded confused, and rightly so.

“Do you think… would that ever change?”

Meri wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed a kiss to his lips. “Never.”

She said that now, but once she knew…

Meri frowned at him and glanced at his quarters. “I think we should go inside.”

“We have that debriefing with the ambassador to Nevarra in ten minutes.”

She slid her hands over his shoulders and down his arms, then tugged on his hands. “We’ll read the report.”

Teagan shouldn’t go with her. He should wait until Alistair told her, until she made her choice. 

She kissed him again, and he knew he would follow her anywhere.

As soon as they were inside, Meri dragged him to the bed. She turned back to him, her lips on his, her hands already unfastening his shirt.

He was blindsided. He had thought she wanted to talk. “Meri -- what --”

Meri pulled his shirt open and began kissing his neck, sending shivers through his body. “I want to be close to the man I love,” she said.

“Are you sure?”

One of her hands trailed down his stomach, hesitating at the waistband of his breeches. “Oh, yes,” she said.

It was impossible to resist her. Teagan captured her mouth with his and let go of his resistance.

She was so sweet, so soft. Working together, they made short work of each other’s clothing, and then Meri was pulling him down on the bed, on top of her, and oh, it was wonderful. When he slid inside her, it was more than just a joining of bodies. Their very souls touched.

They made love slowly, but still passionately. Despite their gentleness, it seemed Meri couldn’t get enough of him, and Maker help him, he needed her just as much. Her hands left a trail of fire wherever they touched. She was perfect, everything he’d ever wanted. When her body tensed and shuddered, clenching around him, it was too much. His own orgasm found him, shaking his body, and he clutched her tightly, whispering her name. “Meri, Meri, Meri.”

They came down gradually, still holding each other tightly. Teagan pressed his face to Meri’s cheek. “You love me?”

“Yes, Teagan. Always.”

“Forever?”

“You know I will.”

Teagan squeezed his eyes shut. They would find out.


	9. Sacrifice

This should have been the happiest time of Teagan’s life. Instead, he feared it would become the worst.

Just down the corridor, only a few steps away, the love of Teagan’s life was being fitted for her wedding gown. Tomorrow, in front of all their friends and family, not to mention the entirety of the Ferelden nobility, Meri would stand at his side and pledge to love no one but him for the rest of her life. It was everything Teagan wanted, all his hopes and dreams realized.

If only he could let it happen.

The last few weeks at the palace had been a flurry of wedding preparations. And in those weeks, the easy camaraderie between Meriana and Alistair had become impossible to ignore. Alistair’s presence never failed to bring a smile to Meri’s face, and she laughed and joked with him so naturally that Teagan sometimes wondered if the two shared a mind. If Meri knew of Alistair’s feelings -- well, it was hard to imagine she wouldn’t return them wholeheartedly.

But Alistair had said nothing. Teagan was sure of it. And the wedding was tomorrow. Before Teagan let Meri tie herself to him forever, the truth had to come out. Losing Meri’s heart would destroy Teagan no matter what, but if she became his wife, and she left him after--

No. If it was going to happen, it had to be now. Alistair and Meri could have a real chance at happiness. Teagan couldn’t bind Meri to him without first giving her that chance. No matter how much it broke him.

A knock on the door startled Teagan out of his dark thoughts. He rose from his seat. “Come in.”

The door opened, and Alistair entered.

“Alistair,” Teagan said in surprise. Alistair could rarely pull himself away from his duties in the middle of the day, and even more so with Meri bustling everyone around with wedding preparations. Then Teagan remembered his too-oft-forgotten protocol, and he bowed. “Your Majesty.”

Alistair gave him a glare hot enough to melt ice. “If you call me ‘Your Majesty’ again, I’m going to have to hurt you.”

Teagan chuckled in spite of himself. “You may just have to get used to this business of being King, you know.”

Alistair grimaced. “Perish the thought. I’m determined to keep at least one little corner of the world to myself. And so you know, I’ve put you in that corner.” 

_I’ve always been in your corner_. 

Teagan gestured to the chair next to him. He was glad Alistair had come. It hadn’t occurred to him to bring this up to Alistair, but Teagan realized now that it was best if he did.

Alistair sat, and Teagan followed suit. “There’s something I wanted to talk to you about,” Teagan said.

Alistair’s brow furrowed. “All right, then. You go first.”

Maker, this was difficult. He took a breath. The only way to say it was just to let it out. “I’m going to tell Meri,” Teagan said.

Alistair laughed. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I think it’s probably best to tell Meri everything. I wouldn’t want to be responsible for what she’d do if she caught you keeping secrets.”

Teagan sighed and shook his head. “No, Alistair. I want to tell her. About you. About… how you feel.”

Silence.

“Oh,” Alistair said.

Teagan bit his lip, trying to find the words to explain, but they didn’t come. The silence grew.

Finally, Alistair stood up. “Why?”

“Because she loves you, and she deserves to know.”

Alistair chuckled dryly. “She loves _you_.”

Teagan let out a breath and gave the most honest answer he could. “If I don’t tell her, give her the choice, then I’ll never know for sure, will I? Neither of us will.”

Alistair’s brow furrowed. Teagan wished he knew what the young king was thinking, but he had no idea. Then Alistair shook his head, turned away, and crossed to the bar in Teagan’s quarters.

“What are you doing?” Teagan asked.

Without answering, Alistair returned to his seat, plunking a bottle of hard whiskey and two glasses down on the table in front of them. Teagan watched silently as Alistair poured the liquid and pushed a glass toward him.

“Women,” Alistair said, shaking his head, and lifted his glass in a toast.

Teagan held up his own glass in silent response, and they both tossed back their drinks.

Alistair poured another round.

\-----------

Oh, Teagan should not have gotten this drunk.

The room felt unsteady, and Alistair’s grinning face was swimming in front of his eyes. Teagan’s wedding was tomorrow. Probably. Maybe. He was going to have a nightmare of a hangover. He should not have gotten this drunk.

“I should not have gotten this drunk,” Teagan said.

Alistair giggled.

“It’s not funny.”

“It’s all right. Wynne will heal your hangover. For Meri’s sake, if nothing else. Me? She’ll probably let me suffer. But s’okay. I don’t matter.”

“You do matter.” Teagan frowned. “Alistair, you matter.”

He shook his head. “Not like you do.”

Teagan was suddenly angry. “How do I -- how can you -- Alistair!”

Alistair blinked.

“You matter. You’re her best friend. You’re _my_ best friend. You take care of everyone, always putting yourself last. You’re the most important person in the world next to Meri.” He frowned. “Next to Meri, next to Meri. You should be next to Meri.”

Alistair leaned forward. “Could you really lose her? Could you really let her go?”

Oh, Maker, he didn’t want to think about it. No, he couldn’t lose her. It would kill him.

But he couldn’t keep her either. Not unless she made the choice.

“It only matters that she’s happy. And that you’re happy.”

“What about your happiness, uncle?”

Teagan loved to be called uncle. He wasn’t Alistair’s uncle, not really, which made it all the more special. Alistair called him uncle because he loved him, not out of obligation. Alistair loved him.

“I love you, Alistair.”

Alistair eyes went wide, and then he frowned. “No changing the subject.”

“Right. What did you ask me?”

“I don’t know. We were talking about Meri.”

Teagan ran a hand down his face. “I think we ought to get some water.”

Alistair looked like he was thinking very hard. Then he nodded. “Water is probably a good idea.”

\----------

Teagan was feeling a bit more sober by the time Alistair spoke again.

“I’m moving on,” Alistair said.

Teagan looked up from his glass. “What?”

Alistair nodded. “I have been for a while. I won’t say I don’t care for Meri. I always will. But I can’t spend my life hung up on her. I need to start over. And Meri loves someone else.”

“You don’t know--”

Alistair laughed. “Trust me. I know.”

Teagan’s head was starting to hurt. He took another drink of water.

“You don’t have the right to share my secret with her, is what I’m trying to say. Even if she did want me, and she doesn’t, but if she did, I’m not prepared to be with her. Not -- in that way. She’s my friend. Whatever else I feel -- whatever else I’ve felt -- it’s irrelevant. I won’t offer her any more than friendship.”

“But-- you said--”

Alistair cocked his head. “I said?”

“You wanted to have an affair. You said so.”

For a moment, Alistair just looked at Teagan. Then he laughed, long and hard.

Teagan’s cheeks were getting hot. “How is that amusing?”

“Uncle. Do you really think I would come to you for advice about whether I should steal your fiancee?”

“I don’t -- well, you didn’t say her name, but I assumed --”

“And I thought I was supposed to be the dimwitted one. Meriana, my mistress? Even if she loved me, and she doesn’t, but if she did -- the woman killed my wife’s father, Teagan. Not even the Maker himself could make Anora accept Meriana Cousland as my mistress.”

When he put it like that, it seemed obvious.

“So… you’re not in love with Meri?”

Alistair hesitated. “I wouldn’t say that.”

_Crash._

Both men turned at the sound. Meri stood in the open doorway, flowers and shattered glass strewn at her feet.

 


	10. In the Open

Meri was staring at Alistair, her jaw slack. Alistair could feel the blood draining from his face.

“Don’t you knock?” was all he could think of to say.

Meri’s brow creased ever so slightly. “At my fiance’s door when I’ve been invited? No, not generally.”

Teagan looked at the clock. A horrified expression crossed his face.

Great. Just great.

Meri took a step forward, broken glass crunching under her feet. She didn’t even seem to notice it. Her eyes darted from Alistair’s face to Teagan’s and back again.

“Alistair,” she said. “I think we need to talk.”

Alistair looked at his uncle. Teagan looked as if his whole world had been taken from him. Upon seeing Alistair’s eyes on him, he straightened his back and hardened his face, giving him a short nod.

Meri fidgeted with her sleeve.

“Right,” Alistair said. “Let’s talk.”

He followed Meri from the room.

They walked wordlessly down the corridor. Meri opened a door seemingly at random and stepped inside, waiting for Alistair. He followed obediently.

It was an empty guest room. Alistair wondered absently if Meri knew which rooms were taken and which weren’t, or if she’d just made a guess and taken the risk of catching someone inside.

“How much did you hear?” Alistair’s voice was hoarse.

“I heard Teagan ask you if you were in love with me, and you... didn’t deny it.”

“Ah.” He licked his lips. “Any chance I can convince you the whole thing is just a silly joke?”

Meri turned and paced away, then back. “How long?”

He sighed and answered honestly. “Since forever, it seems.”

The truth hung in the air between them.

“I’m sorry, Alistair.”

Alistair let out a breath, his body sagging. He knew, had always known, that his feelings weren’t returned, but hearing it straight from her mouth -- well, there were reasons why he’d never told her, and this was one of them. He tried not to feel like he’d been punched in the gut, but really, there was no way around it. He loved her, and she didn’t love him, and Maker’s breath, he’d rather face another archdemon than hear her say it again.

“It’s all right,” he said. “I know.”

Meri stepped forward. “Alistair, I -- you’re my dearest friend.”

Alistair shook his head quickly. “Let’s not, shall we? I think enough has been said.”

Meri chewed on her lip, then took his hands. “No. This is important to me. What I feel for you -- I love you very much, Alistair. You’re my best friend in all the world. That’s not a consolation prize. There’s not another person in the world that could replace you for me. I told you before that I need you. That’s never going to change.”

Damn it. Tears were threatening to form in Alistair’s eyes. He tried to turn his head away, but Meri stopped him with a hand on his cheek.

“Please tell me that’s okay. I can’t lose your friendship, Alistair. It would break me.”

“Meri.” He tried to blink back his tears, but one traitorous drop escaped. “Don’t be ridiculous. I never expected anything from you.” Unable to stop himself, he brushed a hand over Meri’s cheekbone, and she closed her eyes. “Being your best friend is more than I hoped for.”

He pulled away, and this time, Meri let him.

“I’m moving on,” he said. “There’s someone -- look, don’t get excited. It’s nothing. It won’t be anything. She’s not -- but that’s not the point. The point is, I have feelings for someone. Someone who isn’t you. And it’s been a long time since that happened.”

A tear slid down Meri’s cheek. Alistair hesitated, then wiped it away.

“So don’t worry about me. I’m going to be okay. And believe me, I’d never give up your friendship. Not for the world.”

Meri nodded, tears still sparkling in her eyes. Then she pounced on him, throwing her arms around his neck.

Alistair wrapped his arms around his best friend’s waist and held her tight.

“So we’re good?” he asked.

“Yes.” Meri’s face was pressed against his shoulder. “Yes, we’re good.”

Alistair let out a breath, feeling like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. “Good. To be honest, it’s a relief to have it out in the open now. Teagan was right.”

Meri pulled back, brow creased in confusion. “Teagan?”

“Yeah. He wanted to tell you, but I said no.”

She didn’t look any happier. “Why did he want to tell me?”

“Er --” Alistair suddenly felt awkward. “Something about giving you a choice? He thought you might choose me.”

Meri looked as if she’d been slapped. “He doesn’t trust that I love him?”

Sweat was beading on Alistair’s brow. Maker. He’d screwed this one up. “I don’t think it’s that. I guess -- he just wanted to make sure?”

Meri’s face was a stormcloud. She looked away from Alistair.

Alistair sighed and patted Meri on the arm, attempting to be comforting. “I think you’d better go talk to your fiance.”

Meri looked at him, then hugged him again. “Thank you, Alistair.”

Alistair watched the woman he loved walk out the door, and somehow, it wasn’t as sad as it ought to be.

He would be okay.

 

 

Every hint of Teagan’s alcoholic haze had dissipated in an instant when he saw Meriana in that doorway. In his drunken stupor, he’d entirely forgotten that Meri would be coming back after her fitting. How much had she heard?

One thing was for certain. There was no way she could have missed hearing that Alistair loved her. Teagan ran a hand over his face, trying desperately to keep his emotions under control. 

_You wanted her to have a choice,_ Teagan thought bitterly. _Well, you got what you wanted, didn’t you?_

He waited in his quarters, feeling more alone than he ever had before, wondering what they were doing now, and unable to think of a single option that wasn’t excruciatingly painful. Whatever direction his mind went, it wasn’t good. He tried not to think of anything, but he couldn’t stop himself. He imagined Meri accepting Alistair’s love, embracing him, tilting her head back in her sweet, inviting way --

Maker above, it would kill him to lose her.

But the alternative was almost as bad. If Meri chose Teagan, Alistair would get his heart broken. And Teagan would give almost anything to keep Alistair from being hurt.

Teagan buried his face in his hands. She would come back to tell him her decision, whatever it was. Wouldn’t she?

A small knock at the door startled him, and his head shot up. He stood, wiping his sweating palms on his breeches.

“Come in.”

The door opened slowly, and Meri stepped inside. 

“I figured it’s better if I knock,” she said quietly.

“You don’t have to,” Teagan said. “It wasn’t your fault.”

Meri closed the door behind her but didn’t come any farther into the room. Instead, she looked at the floor.

Teagan’s stomach turned to lead.

When Meri didn’t say anything, Teagan struggled to find words. “Did you -- do you -- is Alistair --”

Meri looked up at him.

“Are we still engaged?” Teagan croaked.

Tears filled Meri’s eyes. “How can you even ask that?”

It took a second for the meaning of her words to hit, but when they did, relief swept through him.

He was across the room in a second, sweeping Meri into his arms. Or that was the idea, anyway. But Meri put her hands flat against his chest and pushed him away.

“You thought I would leave you?” Meri cried. “Do you doubt me that much?”

“Doubt you?” Teagan repeated stupidly.

“You -- you’re -- do you have any idea what you mean to me? How much it would kill me to lose you?”

“Oh, Meri.” Teagan took a step forward, but Meri stepped back.

“Don’t. You tried to pass me to Alistair. You doubted me so much that you thought I would leave you for someone you _know_ is just a friend.”

Teagan was aghast. He’d never thought of it that way, never considered she might see his doubt as a betrayal. Her eyes were burning with anger, but behind that, he could see the pain coursing through her, and he couldn’t stand it.

He dropped to his knees before her.

“No, Meri, no. I don’t doubt you. Not ever. I _never_ could.’

Her lip trembled. “Then what do you call this?”

“I just know that --” He sighed, and let his deepest fears spill out. “Meri, I’m not good enough for you. I know it, and I always have.”

Meri’s eyebrows shot up.

“I’m old,” Teagan said, voice trembling, “and you’re young. I’m average, and you’re beautiful. I’m nothing special, and you’re a hero. You saved the world, and all I can do is pretend to be a warrior in contrived competitions.”

Meri shook her head. “No, Teagan.”

“I know that you love me,” he went on quickly, before she could stop him. “But I also know -- you deserve so much better than me. You should have someone who can offer you… everything.”

Meri dropped to her knees, bringing herself face to face with him, and hope sprang in Teagan’s heart.

“It’s your turn to listen to me now,” Meri said, her voice hard. “You think you have nothing to offer me? Tell me then, what can I offer you? Children? No. You’re giving up ever having an heir by marrying me. Giving up ever being a father.” Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks now. “You think you’re too old for me? I’m going to die before my time. You’ll probably have more years than I will. And you think you’re the one who’s unworthy? You think _I’m_ giving something up to be with you?”

“Meri…”

“No.” Her face was hard, her hands clenched tight into fists. “Don’t insult me by questioning my choice. If you don’t want me, fine, but don’t pawn me off on Alistair.”

“Not want you?” Teagan couldn’t breathe. How could she think that even for a moment?

She shrugged. “I can only assume --”

Teagan didn’t let her finish that sentence. He grabbed her hands, tugging her closer, kissing the tips of her fingers one by one, then drawing her hands to rest on his heart as he pulled her in. His lips claimed hers desperately. Thinking he might lose her -- she was the air he breathed, and he had been suffocating. He didn’t have the words to tell her what she meant to him, so he would show her.

Meri made a small noise and melted into his arms. Her lips opened for him, and he plundered her mouth again and again, savoring the taste of her. He couldn’t get enough. He would never get enough.

“Don’t leave me, Meri,” he managed to say. “Don’t ever leave me.”

She pulled her lips away, her forehead resting against his. “You tried to push me on someone else.”

“No.”

“You thought--”

“I wanted you to have the choice. I thought you deserved that much.”

“You were always my choice.”

“I know that now.”

“Don’t you try something like that again.” Meri’s voice was hard.

He kissed her again. “Never, never, never.”

“Promise me.”

“I promise.”

“You’ll want me forever?”

“Forever and always.”

Meri was the one to kiss Teagan this time, and he lost himself in it.


	11. Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for reading and being so encouraging. I hope you have all enjoyed the ride.

Ferelden tradition dictated that the groom not see the bride until she reached the altar, and Meri was very insistent on this point. Teagan was not to turn around as she walked down the aisle, and she wouldn’t let him near her the entire morning of their wedding day. Which meant, of course, that by the time he was standing at the altar waiting for her, he was going crazy.

“Did you see her this morning?” he had asked Alistair earlier.

“Yes.”

“What does she look like?”

“I’m not telling you.”

“Take pity on me.”

“No. She’ll have my hide if I say a word, and not even being the king will protect me.”

“Please, Alistair? Just a hint?”

Alistair sighed. “She looks...beautiful.”

Of course she did. Teagan had gritted his teeth and tried to content himself with that answer.

Now, standing at the altar with Eamon by his side, it seemed to take the bridesmaids forever to make their entrance, despite the fact that there were only three of them. He couldn’t have told you what they looked like. All he knew was that they walked agonizingly slowly.

And then the music changed.

He heard the shuffle of feet as the entire room rose. All these people -- some of them strangers -- got to see how she looked, and he couldn’t. It took all his willpower to keep his head facing forward, when every muscle in his body ached to turn toward the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.

After what seemed like hours, she reached his side. There was a pause, and Teagan knew she was hugging Alistair. Then Alistair crossed behind him to stand next to Eamon.

Meri put a hand on Teagan’s arm. The moment was here. 

Teagan turned.

There were no words for what he felt as he gazed at her. He drank in the sight before him, the elegant styling of her hair, the way her gown flattered her gorgeous figure, the glow of her joyous smile. Dear Maker, she couldn’t be here for him. It was more than he ever could have asked for, more happiness than he could possibly deserve.

Teagan scarcely heard the words of the Chantry mother. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from Meri, and her eyes were locked on him as well. He came back to awareness just in time to hear the mother ask him, “...as long as you both shall live?”

These words were so important, but he was too choked up to speak much louder than a whisper. “I do,” he said in a hoarse voice.

“And you, Meriana…”

She bit her lip and looked up at him from under her lashes. Sweet Andraste, he couldn’t believe he was really here, that this was really happening.

“...as long as you both shall live?”

Meri hesitated, looking away.

Maker’s breath.

He knew it was too good to be true. He knew she was too good for him. How could he ever have thought that he could possibly deserve her?

And then she looked back at him, mischief in her eyes, a smirk playing across her lips. “I do, of course I do.”

Relief coursed through him, and he could swear the entire room let out a breath. She was teasing him. Getting him back for not trusting enough in her love the night before, no doubt.

She was a vixen, and he couldn’t wait to spend the rest of his life with her.

And then the Chantry mother was pronouncing them husband and wife, and Teagan didn’t need to hold back any more. He swooped down upon her, pulling her into his arms and kissing her soft, perfect lips. Meri melted against him, and he barely heard the cheers and applause of their guests.

\----------

There were too many people at this blasted wedding. All Teagan wanted was to steal Meri away somewhere private where he he could lavish her with love and attention. Instead, he was forced to smile and greet all kinds of well-wishers. At least Meri was by his side, holding his arm as if to show the world the he was hers.

And he was, oh, he was.

Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore. He pushed past the next person to approach him with a curt “excuse me,” pulling Meri along with him towards the dance floor.

She laughed, the sound ringing like bells in the air. “Frustrated, were you?”

“So much,” he replied, and pulled her into his arms.

They didn’t leave the dance floor for hours.

The only dark spot in this blissful night was Alistair. Teagan couldn’t stand the thought that Alistair might be miserable on the happiest day of Teagan’s life. He was so afraid that his young nephew was suffering.

And then Teagan spotted Alistair on the dance floor with one of the bridesmaids. Meri’s cousin, Alexia. He was grinning impishly at the pretty blonde, and she had thrown her head back in laughter.

_Ah,_ thought Teagan, and his worry for Alistair diminished.

\-----------

The rest of the night passed in a blur of Meri, and then the ball was over, and they were running through the corridors, hand in hand, like a couple of naughty children afraid to get caught. They reached their new quarters, and Teagan grabbed her, swinging her into his arms and causing Meri to shriek loudly.

“It’s tradition,” he told her solemnly, and stepped over the threshold.

He expected her to wiggle her way out of his arms once they were in the room, but she didn’t. Instead, Meri grabbed his head and pulled him in for a long kiss.

When their lips finally parted -- too soon, far too soon -- Teagan smiled. “Hello, Meriana Guerrin.”

Meri buried her face in his neck. “Mm,” she murmured, pressing her lips to his throat. “That has a nice ring to it.”

“I think so, too.”

She nibbled along his neck, driving him absolutely crazy. He captured her lips again with his own and did his best to carry her towards the bedroom without breaking their kiss.

“Where are we going?” Meri asked against his lips.

“I’m taking my wife to bed,” he said, feeling a thrill at the word “wife”. “And if I have my way, we may never come out.”

His knees hit the mattress, and he dropped her on the bed.

Meri smiled up at him, then grabbed his hand and pulled him down on top of her. “I think that’s the best idea I’ve heard all day,” she said, and kissed him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had so many requests to see what happens with Alistair and Alexia. I'm happy to tell you that the amazing Aphreal has picked up the story and is writing an amazing sequel to this. It's called The King and the Merchant's Daughter, and the link is right below. If you liked this at all, you HAVE to read it. It's brilliant.
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading, liking, commenting, everything. It's been such a fun ride.

**Works inspired by this one:**

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